[Before the post proper starts, can I just say that when I sat to write this post, I had no idea where it was going. I just knew I had to write. So this is for my OH. Words from the heart – for you.]
For a few months I’ve been trying to entice a few more birds onto our garden. I’ve moved the bird feeder stand, and tried food and fat balls in different areas of the garden. We have not one, but two sets of blackbirds nesting within our boundaries. One family has taken up residence in the garage (again). The other family are towards the front of the house. I think both pairs are on the second set of chicks.
I saw a flurry of blue tits just along the fence on the back garden in very early spring. I was excited! They’re one of my favourite birds. They just seem so happy and chirpy. I’ve not seen many actually on our garden since that point, but lets face it, I rarely get the chance to sit and twitch with two smalls to look after.
But anyway, back on topic.
I overheard a conversation whilst whizzing through town with the smalls, (ok, we were in a cafe…) I don’t even know why it sank through the filter into my ears, but it did. It wasn’t spoken any louder or softer than any other part of a conversation…
“But she married well you see, so she can afford such things…”
I couldn’t get the gist of the whole conversation but it was generally about being able to afford to eat a certain way I believe. Unprocessed, cook from scratch meals type thing, with the belief of the person saying the statement that it costs more to do that.
I sat and pondered it – whilst the smalls would allow. It’s a concept that harks back to the days of Mrs Bennett in Pride and Prejudice,
(Don’t you know he has 5 thousand a year?!)
I found myself thinking. Random thoughts really, like:-
Well is that the extent of her own talents – that she married well? Did the lady saying it have a perceived judgement of her own marriage (if she was married)?
My thoughts went in two directions at this point. (It’s quite easy for that to happen when one is running on empty regarding sleep deprivation!).
Train of Thought Route A – Actually, it’s not that much more expensive to eat unprocessed foods. You may buy more of the fresh veg and fruit for instance, but you don’t buy stuff that is “prepared” for you and therefore comes at a higher premium for someone to lightly cook it,drown it in sauce and stick it in a lovely little plastic tray, with an unfathomable and unremovable plastic film lid. This is likely to be tested in theory in the coming weeks as I’m pondering the practicalities of going vegan and / or dairy free, so I guess we will see if it does work out cheaper or more expensive! Watch this space for updates on that one.
Train of Thought Route B – is that fact that someone marries a person with an abundance of money the only way one can “marry well”? It would have seemed so the the lady sat behind us with her friend. I thought about my own life and relationships. The Smalls’ Dad is well, I don’t know how to describe him, or our relationship.
Take the song that Olaf sings from that sodding film Frozen
The hot and the cold – they’re both so intense,
Put ’em together it just makes sense…
In a way that’s us – spot on. Under the blips that our ego’s throw at each other daily, hourly or weekly depending on how much sex sleep we’ve had, there’s a shiny sparkly cord that reaches from his heart core to mine. It feels for me that its been there forever. Nothing feels quite right when he’s not around, and when he is around, I feel like singing. Or strangling him over something my ego is all uppity at.
We can talk about anything and nothing for hours. Likewise we can sit in silence for hours and generally know that that’s ok too. We both know each other’s heart and whilst we’ve had blips on our path together we’ve upgraded the suspension and have learnt to read the road ahead a bit more carefully to take care of each other. Twin flames? Whatever we have it feels to me longer than forever. So maybe. Definitely something different than just “soul mates”.
In the Cafe Lady’s world have we married well? Probably not in her reality. Not if she measures “wellness” by zero’s on a bank balance. But that’s not the point. The point I realised today is that it made ME think about our relationship.
Have we married well?
I came to the conclusion as I was pushing the smallest small in the pushchair and singing him a sleep song, that yes we had.
We have rough times emotionally as well as financially. But of those times recently, we have learnt to depend on each other wholly. Together we are walking this life, with our smalls bouncing about with us. And we’re doing it arm in arm, and heart to heart.
And then, as my littlest little one closed his eyes and slept, a blue tit flitted over to the bird stand. Sampled the fat balls, dipped into the seed feeder and flew off.
I smiled.
A Blue Tit represents love and trust. The Blue Tit is one of the rare creatures, who place a significant value on the need to help others. What characterizes Blue Tits most is their instinct of partnership. Throughout their life, they will only have one mate, so when you meet a Blue Tit either in a field or as an animal totem then you will normal be destined only one partner This is a sign that you can positively deal with relationships.
And please don’t misunderstand me, life is not perfect or rosy, however it could be said we are perfectly suited to each others imperfections. There are times when we could cheerfully dunk each other in the “lily bucket” outside (or worse…), but I guess what I’m saying is that it surprised me. I don’t have riches galore, but I’m wealthy beyond compare.